IMPULSIVITY
Are not thinking your actions though Are you giving up when it gets too hard or boring? Are you making rash decisions from being emotional? These are all signs of: Impulsivity
What is Impulsivity?
Impulsivity is when you act without thinking about what you are doing and failing to realise the risks that come with it. For example, running across a road without looking both ways which can run the risk of you being hit by a car.
What is considered Impulsive Behaviour?
According to the widely recognised UPPS model, there are 4 types of impulsivity. The 4 types of Impulsivity are: Lack of Meditation, Lack of Perseverance, Sensation Seeking and Urgency.
How do I manage “Impulsivity”?
Impulsivity can be managed by first working out which issue from those above, is causing it. By working out which one is the cause, you can start managing it by trying out the different strategies below.
LACK OF MEDITATION
What is “Lack of Meditation”?
Lack of Meditation is the inability to take the time to think your actions through before carrying them out. By not thinking your actions through, you will also be in danger of not considering the consequences that can come from your actions.
How do I manage my Impulsive “Lack of Meditation”?
Managing “Lack of Meditation” involves taking the time to think about your actions. There are 3 strategies you can try for this: STOP&THINK method, Meditation AND Reflection. Each one can be found under the tabs above.
How can the “Stop & Think Method” help with Impulsivity?
The “Stop & Think Method” is the first step in dealing with Impulsivity. It is all about becoming aware about what you are doing or about to do. It involves considering whether these actions are right or wrong and whether it is worth doing them at all because if you don’t think it through, it can lead to consequences. Below is a step by step process going through the entire “Stop & Think Method”.
Stop
Firstly, STOP whatever you are doing as long as it is SAFE to do so. Tell yourself mentally to STOP and go sit down somewhere away from the situation you stopped yourself from. Now you can start to THINK.
Think
THINK about what the actions you were doing or were about to do. By this, we mean go through the steps you were going to take such as what you wanted to say and how you were actually going to make it work. Write these things down if you have to. The idea of this is that you want to tell yourself that if something is worth doing then it is worth doing right.
Consider the Consequences
Failing to take control of our Impulsivity can lead to many Consequences. Consequences such as: what you say can offend people and can hurt your reputation (what people think about you), what you do can lead to you getting yourself or others hurt but even worse can end in your death and what you get can end up with you having something you don’t need along with wasting your money.
Look for an Alternative
There will always be an Alternative to your impulses but these depend on the impulsive decision you are trying to make. There are at least 3 types of decision you could be making and they are: What to Say, What to Do and What to Get.
What to Say
Some of Alternatives of “What to Say” are: Avoid topics of conversation that are negative/offensive such as anything about appearance, focus on finding out what you have in common with others rather than your differences, don’t ask people for more information on something that is making them feel uncomfortable and consider whether knowing something about another person is necessary for you to live your life.
What to Do
Some Alternatives of “What to Do” are: Ask yourself whether you need to do this (will your life truly be better because of it), look for an easier or simpler way to do it and prioritise your life as well as other people’s lives over the need to do something especially if it is dangerous (somethings aren’t worth risking your life over.
What to Get
Some Alternatives of “What to Get” are: Consider if what you want to get is necessary to improve your life, choose to get something that is practical rather than what looks cool, prioritise technique (knowing how to do something) rather than getting something that is expensive (the best scissors don’t make you the best barber) and avoid getting anything at all if you can get it another time or you feel desperate to do so.
How can “Meditation” help with my Impulsivity?
In order to deal with Impulsivity, you need to focus your mind so you can think clearly. By being able to think clearly, you can make better decisions about what your Impulsivity is driving you to do. Meditation is a technique that will help you to focus when feeling unable too. Below, you can find steps to help you do Meditation.
Find a Quiet Place
At home, finding a Quiet Place won’t be too hard as you can go into your bedroom or a room you know not many people go into. If you are out in public, try looking find a public quiet place or safe space as many places now offer these types of rooms for accessibility purposes. A Quiet Place is preferable but if you can’t find a quiet place then somewhere you can sit down, even a toilet for example will suffice.
Close your Eyes
It helps to Close your Eyes so you won’t get distracted by things around you that will stop you focusing. If you are not comfortable with closing your eyes then find a focus point, something you can focus on staring at for the duration of the meditation.
Play Relaxing Music
Relaxing music such as ambience or soothing sounds (like a waterfall) can further help you relax so you can focus. If you are out in public then use headphones to keep the music and meditation person as well as not irritate other people with your music (some people can be quite petty about this).
Use Incense
Incense is used to stimulate your sense of smell to help you relax. Incense can really only be done at home as it may cause problems out in public. Incense can be something like joss sticks, incense cones, scented candles or diffusers. If you are lucky, you might find a quiet place or safe space which has these things in there, namely diffusers.
345 Breathing
Now we are ready to begin meditation. To start, breath in through your nose for 3 seconds. Hold the breath for 4 seconds and then breath out through your nose or mouth for 5 seconds. Repeat this 7 times and you should start to feel calmer. After the 7 breaths, you can start reflecting on your impulses and at the same time keep doing the 345 breathing. The best way to reflect is by using Hindsight.
How can “Hindsight” help with my Impulsivity?
Hindsight is about reflecting back at what you have done and seeing what you can learn from it for next time as we cannot change the past, only the future. Below, you can find steps to help you reflect in Hindsight.
Think about what Happened
The first thing to do is to remember what happened when you felt your impulsive. What were you going to do or have already done? Why did you do it or why did you want to do it? How did you feel afterwards? By answering these questions, you can start look for what triggered your impulses.
What Triggered this Impulse?
There are at least 3 ways impulses can be triggered: Pressure, Ego and Desire. If someone tried put push into doing something too quickly through making you feel guilty about them or by offering you a deal/sale with a time limit to make you feel regret, this is Pressure. If you let someone push you into something because they called you weak or you want to do something to look cool, this is Ego. If you think something looks cool and you really have to have it, this is Desire. Knowing these triggers is the key to managing Impulsivity.
Has this ever happened before?
Try to remember similar situations when your impulses were triggered. Can you remember where you where? When it actually happened? What you were doing or about to do? Who was with you or who did you meet? What was said between you and them? How did it end? By remembering what happened before, we can learn to become more aware of our triggers.
Can you see a pattern between what triggered this Impulse and what triggered it in the past?
Autistic people are very good at recognising patterns which is what we can now use to identify what things in our own personal lives that trigger us individually. Did you similarly feel guilty or regretful? Were you similarly worried about looking weak? Did you similarly feel the need to look cool? Did you similarly see something really wanted and got it? MOST IMPORTANTLY: Did you do anything about these impulses in the past? If you did, how did you do it?
Use what you have learned to change the way you deal with Future Impulses
With what we have looked at using Hindsight, the important thing now is to use this information to change our thinking. For example, if someone is trying to guilt you into doing something or make you regret not doing it then say no to them and get away. Another idea is, if someone is calling you weak for not doing something then first consider if it is dangerous or illegal, if it is either these things then say no and avoid these things and the people pushing you into it. If it’s not dangerous, then ask yourself what you can gain from it: if the gain is coming out of your comfort zone do it, if its for an ego boost- don’t.
Use what you have learned to change the way you deal with Future Impulses Cont.
If you are doing something just to look cool, then ask yourself: who are you trying to impress and why? If you are trying to look and act cool to impress others then you will not look cool, instead you will look foolish and obnoxious (extremely unpleasant) as people know when you are doing this. Finally, if you see something you want and need to have then you need to think practically which means to ask yourself: Why do you need it? How will you use it? Will it make your life better? and Where will you put or store it? These ideas come from my Hindsight and Hindsight is one the most basic ways we learn.
It’s all about knowing your Triggers
Impulsivity happens because something triggered it. If this Trigger is what causes it to happen, then understanding what triggers us is what will keep our impulses in check so know your triggers or learn from your past impulses and triggers to decrease Impulsivity in the future.
Lack of Perseverance
What is a “Lack of Perseverance”?
A “Lack of Perseverance” is where you consider something to be too difficult or boring that you decide to give up on it. This occurs because you are afraid of failing, you struggle with discipline (not being focused enough or being too uptight with your focus) or you lack a goal to motivate you.
Why is “Perseverance” so important?
Life isn’t easy, it has never meant to be easy and because of this we all struggle and fail at things but if we always give up when we fail, we will not get very far in life and miss out on things that can bring out our potential. Perseverance means to keep trying when you fail and keeping pushing when you are pushed back because life is not a smooth, flat road that we can simply walk down. This is one of the toughest lessons to learn in life as it is something we must overcome, we cannot avoid it.
How do I manage a “Lack of Perseverance”?
Managing a “Lack of Perseverance” requires you to re-adjust the way you live your life. This can be done with these 3 strategies: What Perseverance Looks Like, Look at Things Differently AND Things you can try in Your Daily Life. You can find these strategies explained in further detail under the tabs above.
How does knowing “What a Lack of Perseverance looks like” help me with a “Lack of Perseverance”?
Knowing “What a Lack of Perseverance looks like” is important as it shows you what a “Lack of Perseverance” is at its worst. Knowing what something is like at its worst will enable you to start making changes to better your life because what you will see down below, is what will happen if you don’t change. Lets have a look at the worst of “Perseverance” down below.
Always Fearing Failure
One of the first things to show through a “Lack of Perseverance” is Fearing Failure. You fear it so much that you try to do anything and everything to avoid failing as you don’t want to lose, look or feel bad. The problem with trying to avoid failure is that you will never learn what’s needed to succeed because avoiding failure becomes your top priority. You need to fail in life in order to succeed.
Constantly Procrastinating
Procrastination is where you will put off doing something really important and instead focusing on something trivial (unimportant). By Constantly Procrastinating, you will be trying to avoid doing what needs to be done as you fear doing it as you fear doing it wrong or it failing. You will try to look busy doing trivial stuff so you don’t have to face the important task. You may feel better avoiding it at first but deep down you need to do it sooner or later and you are just delaying the inevitable (something you are unable to stop).
Out of control Ego & Perfectionism
If you think doing something is below you or an insult to you intelligence/skills, then you have an Out of control Ego. An Out of control Ego can destroy your chances of success because you think you’re better than you actually are. Being the most talented person in the room does not guarantee success as you still need to prove that you are reliable person who can work others. Perfectionism is where your Ego tells you that everything you do must always be done correctly with no room for error. This creates a paralysing fear to Persevere as you feel there’s no way to succeed if you are not being perfect.
Blaming Others when things go wrong
When a person finds they have a “Lack of Perseverance” due to not having success, they tend to try find a reason for why this is. The main reason they find is that someone or something else is at fault for why they can’t succeed, they feel that they have been held back by that someone or thing meaning for them, there is no point in trying anymore. Blaming Others never helps anyone, it is not their fault you are struggling and it is not your fault either but you must own up to your mistakes, learn from them and keep trying at life, you will get somewhere in life, we all can.
Giving up too Easily
If you stop trying to Persevere in life, then you will give up without ever trying things. Giving up too Easily leads to missed opportunities to learn or try something that could make you a better person or help you find success. You will be hating yourself and being stuck with a low self-esteem (confidence in yourself) which can be HARD to overcome but MUST be overcome if you want to get anywhere in life. Remember, quitters never prosper, triers do.
How do I “Look at Things Differently”?
To “Look at Things Differently” starts with realising that what causes a “Lack of Perseverance” in us is created in our heads and inflated to seem worse than it actually is. The way to “Look at Things Differently” is to not be so hard on ourselves, be realistic in who we are and look at how we can grow to better ourselves. Down below, you can find ways to “Look at Things Differently” based on “What a Lack of Perseverance looks like”.
Looking at Failure Differently
Failure is part of being human, everyone has failed at something in life so you are not alone when things don’t go your way- people don’t always pass 1st time, sportsmen have suffered defeats, plans don’t always go to plan. When Failure happens, embrace it as a chance to learn what you did wrong and how you can do it better next time because if you try to avoid or prevent failure, this will only lead to more failure. Failure does not make us less, it makes us more. Aspie Heroes has a section about dealing with the Anxiety of Failure on the Anxiety Strategy page which you can find using the link below.
Link Here
Addressing Procrastination
Procrastination can be an excuse to not get things done, making excuses needs to stop as they don’t help us. If a task seems to big or complicated then consider breaking it down into smaller tasks or steps as this will make it more manageable, if it is still too big then keep breaking it down until it is manageable- it will become manageable as long as you keep trying. Also, create a time limit or deadline to get the task done, this will push you to push yourself. For more help with Procrastination, Aspie Heroes has an entire strategy page on the topic, use the link below to access it.
Link Here
Looking at Perfectionism Differently
Perfectionism is unrealistic, humans are not meant to be perfect and if we humans were all perfect, then life would be boring as we would have nothing new to learn, new ways to grow or have any goals/achievements to strive for, would you want to live in a world like that? Trying to be perfect highlights our imperfections much more clearly to us and others so it is better to just accept them and focus on bettering ourselves. Making progress in life is a better more realistic way to live than trying to be perfect- the small wins we get and improvements we make are something to be proud of.
Addressing your Own Mistakes to not Blame Others
It’s very easy to blame our own mistakes on other people as we can be afraid of the backlash from our mistakes, ashamed that we made them and pretend they never happened so that we don’t feel weak or less than is being asked of us. The truth is, that making mistakes is part of being human, Addressing your Own Mistakes is brave not cowardly; by addressing them we admit that we are actually human as humans naturally make mistakes being the flawed beings we are. The sooner we Address our Own Mistakes, the sooner we can put them right and this can encourage others to Address their Own Mistakes.
Finding the Will to not Give Up
Giving up is easy to do, a lot of people feel like giving up when it gets too hard, perseverance can be difficult but rewarding. The best things that happen to us in life come from persevering rather than giving up but YOU MUST MAKE THEM HAPPEN. You have to believe in yourself, believe in your ability to do something or being able to learn how to do it, as you deserve to live the life you love doing the things you want to do but you can’t accomplish this if you give up so let this help motivate you to push on with your life, you don’t need to accomplish it by today, take the time you need to do it.
What are “Things you can try in your daily life” to help with Perseverance?
The “Things you can try in your daily life” to help with perseverance are all about living your life differently than before, living it intentionally (with purpose). Down below, you can find “Things you can try in your daily life” that will help change your perspective on life and how you live it, let these help you find your way in life regardless of how you have lived up to now.
Positive Affirmations
Negative thinking is the biggest killer of Perseverance, it makes us feel doubt and paralyses us with fear making us not want to continue with what we are doing. The only way to deal with Negativity is Positivity. One of the best ways to fill yourself up with Positivity is to use Positive Affirmations such as: I can do this, I reject the need to compare myself to others, My life’s journey is unique to me and I have the power to reach my goals when I am ready. Telling yourself this instead of negative thoughts will make life’s difficulties easy to deal with. There are plenty of these all over the place, so get looking.
Meditation
Meditation is the ideal way to help calm your mind when you are inevitably stressed from perseverance. It allows you to take time for yourself, which we all need, to refocus your thoughts on how you feel about life and where to go next. Meditation can be as short as 5 minutes or as long as you want it to be. All you have to do is make time to do it. Thanks to the internet, there are many guided meditations you can do, the only thing you have to do is relax. Aspie Heroes has a Meditations that you can use, use the link below to visit our Meditation page.
Link Here
Focus on your own Journey
It’s very easy to watch someone else be successful and compare yourself to them, thinking you’ve fallen behind and that it’s pointless for you to continue. Focus on your own Journey, focus on HOW YOU CAN become better at what you want to do and HOW YOU CAN make a difference as other people’s journeys don’t matter in your life, just yours. As Kano Jigoro (Founder of Judo) once said “It is not important to be better than someone else, but to be better than yesterday.”, the only person you need to compete with is yourself not someone else as they don’t matter.
Talk to other People
You don’t have to Persevere alone, there are people around you who will support you: you family and friends. Talking to these people about your struggles to Persevere can help you better deal with struggles as you are no longer holding them in and with another person aware of them, they can help you deal with them, they are not yours alone anymore (remember teamwork makes the dream work). If your friends and family can’t help you, there are various groups and places who can support you too: Aspie Heroes has a Directory pageful of groups and places who can help you, use the link below to visit it.
Make it Happen
In life, things don’t happen by themselves, people aren’t going to come knocking on your door with opportunities, you have to Make it Happen. If you need skills or qualifications then find a place which offers them and learn. If you need experience, look at volunteering somewhere or getting a job. If you need money for things then look at ways to save money or get a job to earn cash. The best things that happen in our lives are the things we Made Happen, so get working on how to live your best life.
Not your Fault but Your Responsibility
Whether your Lack of Perseverance is your fault or not, it is your responsibility to do something about it. You can make many excuses for yourself all you want but this will change nothing about your life. You have to make changes to better your life and changes are made through actions so start taking action to live a better quality of life.